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or "30 Ways To Keep It Real and Minimise Battyfapping"

  1. This is a DJ booth, not a dancefloor. In here for DJing; out there for dancing.
  2. This is a DJ booth, not a cloak room. In here for DJing; out there for storing your precious £150 leather jacket that you will inevitably lose and panic about before the night is through.
  3. This is a DJ booth, not Paris or Milan during Fashion Week. In here for DJing; out there for doing your little turn on the catwalk.
  4. This is a DJ booth, not DJ Hero on your PlayStation. In here for DJing; out there for terrible mixing of terrible music.
  5. This is a DJ booth, not YouTube. In here for DJing; out there for being seen and ‘liked’ by millions.
  6. Again, this is a DJ booth, not YouTube. In here for DJing; out there for snide, cocky comments with no repercussions.
  7. This is a DJ booth, not a cruise ship. In here for DJing; out there for reclining on a deck.
  8. This is a DJ booth, not a pub. In here for DJing; out there for spilling drinks and social gatherings.
  9. This is a DJ booth, not Newsnight or Question Time. I am a lighting jockey, not an MP; and you are a clubber, not Jeremy Paxman or David Dimbleby. Stop grilling me. In here for DJing; out there for topical debate.
  10. This is a DJ booth, not a confessional booth. In here for DJing; out there for divulging your - decidedly First World - problems to somebody who might care and have some useful advice for you beyond “Man up.”
  11. This is a DJ booth, not a farmyard. In here for DJing; out there for acting the goat.
  12. This is a DJ booth, not Kingston, Jamaica. In here for DJing; out there for your rich-boy faux-Patois accent, Mr Banana Klan.
  13. This is a DJ booth, not a juke joint, not a request line and not your iTunes library. In here for DJing; out there for selecting Beyonc√© / Rihanna / Darude / Swedish House Mafia / “some dubstep, bro”/ “that sick track that goes like…” / the latest ‘disco’ hit everyone is battyfapping to / anything you want to listen to.
  14. This is a DJ booth, not the New York Stock Exchange. In here for DJing; out there for yelling orders at people and betrayal of trust.
  15. This is a DJ booth, not mixcloud.com. In here for DJing; out there for “track ID, bro!?”
  16. This is a DJ booth, not Tony Montana’s mansion. In here for DJing; out there for treating the equipment like you’re not actually living off your student loan.
  17. This is a DJ booth, not after-school detention. In here for DJing; out there for doing your ‘lines’.
  18. This is a DJ booth, not Wigan Pier. In here for DJing; out there for your shit ‘MCing’.
  19. This is a DJ booth, not a dogging site. In here for DJing; out there for battyfapping.
  20. This is a DJ booth, not a young offenders’ institute. In here for DJing; out there for your stroppy, mardy, chardy attitude.
  1. This is a modern day nightclub, not civil rights era America. In here for electronic music; out there for stereotyping me based on the colour of my skin.
  2. This is a nightclub, not Muscle Beach, California. In here for music; out there for string vests, fake tan and shades.
  3. This is a nightclub, not a year 8 drama class. In here for music; out there for toting finger-pistols at each other.
  4. This is a nightclub, not the mean streets of Los Angeles, California. In here for music; out there for your crooked cap, sagging pants and Crip-walk.
  5. This is a nightclub, not a year 2 art class. In here for music; out there for your ubiquitous childish scribbling.
  6. This is a nightclub, not a photo booth. In here for music; out there for “Ere, mert, tek me pictyuh!” (One for the togs.)
  7. This is a nightclub, not a scene ‘hardcore’ gig. In here for actual music; out there for Skrillex, unfinished chest pieces, skinny jeans and slam-dancing.
  8. This is a dancefloor, not Knowsley Safari Park. Over here for dancing; over there for reaching over the glass and touching things that do not need or wish to be touched.
  9. This is a bar, not the Algerian Black Market. Over here for buying drinks; over there for haggling prices on poison.
  10. This is a bar, not a Jagermeister convention. Over here for a polite exchange with bar staff; over there for shouting “JAGERBOMB!”



When I, or any of the other staff, convey any of the aforementioned, do not:

  • stand there making sad puppy eyes at us
  • get angry at us
  • attempt to persuade us to change our minds
  • continue to talk rubbish
  • continue to stand there, staring
  • try to undermine our authority in any way
  • accuse us of being terrible human beings


Because you don’t know anything about us as people, and, believe it or not, I am actually at work and need to carry on working.
Staring at a screen and pressing buttons for money is infinitely more pleasurable than having to deal with people like you.

After all is said and done, this is a nightclub. A place where the use of your ears is valued a lot more highly than the use of any other organ,
SO SHUT UP, SOAK IN THE SOUNDS AND DANCE.
:)

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So, I’ve just got back from a solo trip around town and I’ve been reminded why I generally keep away from large groups of people. It’s because the ratio of idiots to normal, sentient, considerate human beings seems to be something near 5:1.
There are those idiots who continue to walk straight towards you, even though you’ve attempted to make eye contact with them about 3 times to signal the direction you’re heading in; there are the group idiots who insist on walking in front of you, VERY SLOWLY, in impenetrable rank and file that would rival Julius Caesar’s army; and there are those bewildered idiots who can’t decide which direction they’re heading in at a crossing, and thus will stand at the wrong side, then proceed to move, VERY SLOWLY, diagonally across the road, in front of you. All of whom deserve a strong donkey-punch to the back of the cranium.
Seriously, people, the occasional battyfap is absolutely permissible - in fact, some respected scholars argue that it may even be good for maintaining a positive mood - but when one regularly indulges in this sort of behaviour (as these people obviously do), then one irrevocably crosses the line and becomes a ‘habitual battyfapper’. This is not at all acceptable and will cause those around you to hate you with a passion.

Video

Juan Alderete of The Mars Volta, Vato Negro, Big Sir, The Omar Rodriguez Lopez Group (and about 1000 other bands) talking about his bass guitars, effects, playing styles and a lot more. I could listen to this guy talk and play all day.

Source: youtube.com
Video

mediaexposed:

Prodigy of Mobb Deep: Rapper Reveals Illuminati Symbolism in Music World

Source: mediaexposed
Quote

"First of all, want nothing so bad, you sell your soul to get it. Have some kind of parameters of what you are before you come here (Hollywood)."

- Sinbad (via mediaexposed)
Source: mediaexposed
Photo

BURN, BRANDO, BURN!!

Sorry dude… I couldn’t pass up the opportunity!

Photo Set

UK RIOTS, INDIAN DIETS: VOLUME 1

Credit to Martyn, Darius & Diggle.

Volume Two coming soon…

Video
Photo

The badmanz department approves.